July 5, 2005

  • Heart over Mind
    (written by P.A. Jervis, Jr.)

    I am in a mood because I am feeling alone
    I've got the weight of other people's trouble on my back
    Breaking me down, breaking me down slowly
    As I live through other people's drama and all their unwon victories

    Please excuse the mood, I know it scares you
    Even though you don't come and talk to be about your problems
    I thought it'd be fine to bring mine to you and you can help me solve them
    Carrying different shades of personality with me at all times is what I do
    Trying to pick out the perfect outfit for you, to be cute to be unharming to your eyes

    Unspoken words are the words that break me down the most
    The body language that you give keeps kicking my ass
    Because I am still trying to figure it out what you are needing from me
    I thought after you left I'd finally be free
    I wouldn't be obligated and I would be emancipated
    And being able to find out who I am after being covered in your fame and glory
    Thus receiving no credit for this great talent that I carry in my back pocket

    Please forgive for I am in the mood to just let go of everything, including my life
    Because you have found love inside of me and I have yet to see it in you
    You keep telling me that we need to do things and that we need to go ahead move on ahead in life
    But you are most unprepared individual I know and haven't helped me to move anywhere
    Or the further you go ahead, the further I get left behind
    Left to try tears here on alone and not hear a word from you all day when you promised me
    The phone call that would brighten up my day, to make me smile
    To put my worries at rest for the evening so I could fall asleep with ease without the daily dosage
    Of overworking a job that I no longer feel that I enjoy and end each day feeling underappreciated

    I know that I am smart. I know I've got this knowledge that it supposed to save me from the heartbreak that
    I suffer from so often but I haven't gotten to that point yet. I have yet to figure what the hell I am doing in my own life
    As people keep on talking about me behind my back and not give me any opportunity to fix whatever they think is broken
    Most of the time they are the ones that need the fixing anyway, but to know instead of hearing it from someone else or three
    Or four people is quiet the unnecessary
    I wish that you could have been here to help me and give me it is what I need, maybe a hug or maybe just an ear
    An ear to listen to know what else I can do with myself, instead of running in circles like dumb sheeps

    The music plays loud in my head, today it just seems too loud, contributing to my mood
    I keep trying to turn it down but I keep downloading the noise of another place, another person
    Another worry, another fear, makes shake, rattle and roll on the ground asking for mercy to save me from
    The pain and suffering that I have so deep
    Sometime I wake up feeling sexy and feeling that I should be wanted but I realize that it's just me
    No one is here to smile in my face as they wake up to the morning glory and sunshine
    No one to say that they love me and give me the love that my heart is longing for

    This mood just seems to come and go.. it travels to the front and goes on to the space in the back of my mind
    But only for a short while, not letting me forget how lonely I really am
    How long it's been since I've have sensed the sensation of the great orgasism of love
    But those that have said they loved me before have left me in the dark and empty room, which is so cloudy and full of lonely
    No one really understands why I have so many closets and why the doors are nailed shut and slowly the nails fall out because of
    Cheapness and they began to rust and as I start to push out of one someone buys new nails and forces me to stay in

    I still here the music sometime it turns into noise because I lack the motivation to keep it going
    To keep a simple melody that keep everyone happy but leave me forever still in the dark with the rest of the unhappies