May 18, 2006

  • Please.

    IMAG0073 I haven't written in awhile someone has made it clear that I do need to write more often. Plus, I said that I will include you on my journey through my growing and learning journey called uh.. Life. Please comment and let me know what you think. I am sorry there is a lot of I-usage in this but it's all part of the process.


    I am strong. I am willing. I am not afraid to admit that I am scared that I will get abused for who I am. I've gotten abused so much in the past two years that I am paranoid when I have found something real. I am afraid of losing my boyfriend, who I love so much. It's because I've been damaged by numerous people that I can't see that the goodness is the goodness right in front of me. I have set myself up for automatic defense. I've set myself for the cheating and the tears along with the fears. It really shouldn't be that way but that's the way I feel.


    I am afraid of losing this good thing that looks me right in the eye. But still it's love that I feel. I should stop overlooking and appreciate what is that I have. For right now, I have this feeling of being lost and possibly forgotten because I sort of slowed my life down to realize what else is going on. To learn about me and only me.. and found out what is and what was that bothering me.


    I realize that I am a smart young man that has not even began to reach his full potential and somewhere the rest of it is hidden. It's waiting for me to unleash it. All this time, I have been sitting around thinking that it was going to come and find me. It's not going to come find me and make me successful. I have work and earn what I want to get the success. I realize that I am a man of different talents. Many different talents that sometime needs to take it slow and try use these to make myself better. I have to learn to put myself before anyone else before I can help them. I have to have the basics of knowing how I function and how I work before I know what's going on with someone's life. I have stop trying to fix other people's problems when mine are just as bad and sometime worse. I have to focus on eliminating the fears and tears and all the anger that lies inside me. I have to stop being afraid of who I am and how people might not like me if I change. I have to realize that I can be better and achieve more if I stop worrying about how it affects everyone else before it affects me. I have to stop letting people walk on me when they feel like it. I have stand tall and firm and let them know that what they are doing to me is painful, wrong and never to be done again.


    Break me if you want.. but we all break down to build and rise up into stronger people. I am not afraid to say that I have been blessed and that I believe in a God. I shall never be afraid that I kneel down on my knees and ask for forgiveness for any sin that I might have done or shoved into the face of others. I am at a point where I am growing and those that don't like how I change and develop need to gracefully walk away.