June 1, 2006

  • Please.

    IMAG0084 Yeah some people seem to be happy that I am writing again but they don't leave comments. It's incredible.. hehe, just kidding. I haven't heard from any of the people that I used to know anymore. It makes me sad for the most part. I am sorry that I had a down period and that I felt that I had to ignore the world. I am just having trouble and that involves trusting people and I just didn't know how to handle it.


    I. Work


    I am still having the same trouble at work. I am feel like I am being overworked and underpaid. I am tired of being the cashier bitch. I thought that when I got 'supervisor' attached to my title that it would lead to just uh.. wait .. .wait.. supervising. Yeah. Uh yeah, wrong. There's just too much to worry about and so many things going on. I have to finish like a million tasks everyday before I leave. I am supposed to clean the lab everyday before I leave but it's so hard to do. I can't really even finish the necessary things to make sure the lab moves along smoothly. It's freaking ridiculous. I am in search of a new job that pays about the same amount and lives up to its name. I don't think it matters if it's stressful. I think it matters more that I enjoy it more than not.


    II. Living


    I finally got a roommate. It's my former neighbor that lived across the hall way. I can't believe that my old roommate screwed me over and didn't pay me at all. He decides on the day that he's leaving that he's going to try to pay me and that I should have the person that's moving in pay me the deposit. If he would have told me from the beginning that he was going to do that I would have prepared a lot better than I did. I feel like people just find it easy to walk all over me. I am just going to become a mean ass and people aren't going to like very much but I think it's something that needs to be enforced because people are such assholes.


    III. Relationships


    Parents/Family- I talk to my mom on most days. I haven't really heard from anyone else. No else calls. I talk to my sister sometime via AIM and that's about it. Nothing else really. I just heard over the weekend that my aunt (my dad's sister) was rushed to the hospital recently. They told her that my dad was coming and they didn't even bother to call anyone in the family. So as far as I know she is doing okay and back home.


    Friends- I haven't heard from many of them. I hear from people here and there. I have established some kind of steady communication for some of them. I just don't like to feel like I am the only one calling and doing all the talking and stuff.. you know what I mean? In some cases, what it feel like I am doing. I understand that we all get busy and that we all have lives of our own, but don't get upset when you haven't heard from me. I can be busy too and I try to talk to everyone and send messages to people. Plus, I am still having trust issues with some of you so I don't know.


    Boyfriend- Shane and I are soon approaching our seventh month anniversary... if that's what you want to call it. It's definitely something special to me. He, himself, is definitely something special to me. It just really frustrates me that he smokes. I don't want him to smoke. I don't think he really understands that I am really like overboard concerned and that when he smokes it makes me upset. I wish that he didn't. I am glad that he has fulfilled the request of not smoking around me.. it wasn't bothering me that he was smoking one or two a day but then it's developed into five or six, maybe now even more. I am afraid that it's going to become a habit. I am afraid of letting go because I don't know how strong that I am to hold on. I don't know really know what to do and it saddens me that I am not motivation enough for him to stop. There are sometimes when we are talking, also that it's not too sure in his mind that he wants to keep me around. Like when he mentions future events it sounds like I won't be there. Yeah, that bothers me and I can't picture myself without him now... I just don't know if I can let go that easily.. that's why I changed my mind that I was not going to break up with him if he kept smoking. I just want him to talk to someone .. if not me, someone about what's going on inside and not taking out on a cigarette. It's just something that's really bothering me. I've been just trying to let it go, but I am too worried and too concerned and all these things are all inside of me GRRRAAHHAH!