Yeah so it looks like the effort to go back to school has failed majorly but it's okay. It's just God sending me a message that I need to do something else before I get back into school. I don't know what it is but hopefully it's all good. You know? Apologize to those that are not into the holy aspect of life. It's all good.. not everyone is. I wasn't for a little bit. I thought I hated God for a little bit. That wasn't a good thing. Anyway.. hehe.

+Mariah

I have seen this girl on TV a lot this week. It's been awesome... especially since I got kicked out of school. I have lots of time to watch TV and do somethings with my friends. I might even called Big F in the AR. Hehe. Never know.

Anyway, I am so excited for Wednesday the eighth of February to roll around so that I can see who brings'em home. You know what I mean. I am crossing my fingers that MC gets them all. Hehe. It's awesome isn't it. I was on Mariah Daily.. the hottest spot for Mariah other than my site (that I haven't updated because my hard drive crashed.. isn't that gross?? I know right?) Anyway... like I was saying.. Homegirl is going to be on the cover of Marie Claire. I didn't even know that mag was still around but I will definitely buy it now that someone good is on the cover. Hehe. I think it was also said that she would be on Barbara Walters. I don't remember when but I think you should head over to MariahDaily.com. I also love their hot design for 06. It's hot.

RICHARD N. OSTLING
Associated Press

"End of the Spear," a movie that depicts the slaying of Protestant missionaries in South America, is provoking a side debate among some religious conservatives because lead actor Chad Allen has advocated for gay causes.

"Spear" tells the true story of bush pilot Nate Saint, played by Allen, and four colleagues who were killed 50 years ago by jungle tribesmen in Ecuador whom they wanted to evangelize. The film opened at No. 10 in U.S. box office rankings, and was 14th last weekend, beating features in wider release including "King Kong."

Protests about Allen originated with sharperiron.org, the Web site of the Rev. Jason Janz, a self-described fundamentalist and assistant pastor of Red Rocks Baptist Church in Lakewood, Colo.

Janz cited the Allen fans' Web site, TV interviews and articles from gay magazines to complain that the actor is not just homosexual but an activist who advocates same-sex marriages and adoptions, produces gay films and has starred in a stage play about a gay Jesus figure.

"What were they thinking?" demanded the Rev. R. Albert Mohler Jr., president of Southern Baptist Theological Seminary.

This week, Janz posted a corrected version of his protest statement after speaking with the independent film's producer, Every Tribe Entertainment. The Christian-oriented company, based in Oklahoma City, prepares inspirational fare for general commercial release.

Janz originally charged that Every Tribe purposely cast Allen as Saint despite his viewpoints and lifestyle. But he now says Every Tribe only learned those things after Allen had been offered the part, and the company decided it would be wrong to renege on the commitment.

Jim Hanon, director of the movie, confirmed in an interview that Every Tribe learned the information about Allen a week after the commitment was made in 2004.

Hanon, an evangelical Protestant, said: "We don't endorse Chad's lifestyle. We disagree with him on homosexuality, and we knew some in our audience would be sensitive to it. But we decided to proceed." Hanon said if the company had known about Allen beforehand "he probably would not have been offered the role."

A prepared statement from Every Tribe tells inquirers that the only thing it's promoting is "what it can mean to live what the Bible says is true" and "we cannot single out the personal choices of one of the cast for scrutiny."

Focus on the Family, a Colorado-based evangelical organization that strongly opposes same-sex relationships, endorsed "End of the Spear" on its media review site though it knew about Allen's activities.

Bob Waliszewski said his Focus Web site assesses the content of entertainment offerings "rather than the skeletons in the closet of every actor, producer, cameraman. We just don't go there." What matters, he said, is that "it's a wonderful story. It's well done."

The Allen flap went unnoticed in the review from the U.S. Conference of Catholic Bishops, which recommended "Spear" for adults only due to violence. It far preferred Every Tribe's documentary video about the martyrdoms, "Beyond the Gates of Splendor."

ON THE NET

Movie publicity: http://www.endofthespear.com

Janz complaint: http://www.sharperiron.org/showthread.php?t2244

BLAH. Need help funding school... uh, a situation that's really gross. Any suggestions?

By Andrew Garber
Seattle Times staff reporter

Tim Eyman filed an initiative and a referendum this morning aimed at
getting rid of the gay rights bill passed by the Legislature on Friday.

State law bans discrimination based on race, sex, religion, marital
status, disability and other categories. The gay rights measure passed
by the Legislature adds sexual orientation to that list. Gov. Christine
Gregoire plans to sign the Legislation Tuesday.

"Politicians are deciding based on special interest group pressure
and their own reelection calculations," Eyman said in a statement
emailed to reporters. "The voters have watched this disgusting display
of arrogance and selfishness for weeks."

The gay rights measure passed by the Legislature has been around in
some form for 29 years. Gregoire today said she'll fight any effort to
undo the new law.

"I'm surprised someone would file an initiative to say let's
discriminate against our fellow citizens," Gregoire said. "It strikes
me as counter to the values of the state of Washington to have an
initiative now that would say to the people of the state of Washington
it's ok to discriminate... against gays and lesbians."

Referendums, intended to give voters a say on laws passed by the
Legislature, need 112,440 valid signatures to get on the ballot. The
signatures have to be turned in within 90 days after the session ends.
March 9 is the final day of this year's regular session.

Initiatives, on the other hand, are generally used to get new laws
on the ballot but can be used to change existing law. Eyman would need
224,880 valid signatures to get an initiative to the people on the
ballot, but has more time to do so. The signatures for an initiative
don't have to be turned in until July 7.

Copyright © 2006 The Seattle Times Company

Mr. Black
  forgot who I was and who I am supposed to be.

Mr. Black
  made me cry and realize that I am different than everyone else.
  made me feel less than I really was inside

Mr. Black
   made me feel like I was on the outside looking in
   when there were others that were just like me.
   he never, spoke of anything but the things that I did wrong, never praising my rights

Mr. Black
    has left me in the cold
    he left me alone with nothing to be or an image of something to live up to
    now, I am living without you and feeling much better.
    I am living the better life, making my own image of who I need to be.

Mr. Black
    I have left you with nothing.. no one
    I am gone, out of the picture and never to return
    Away from the abuse.
    Hurt me, no you can't, anymore.
    I swear to return there again. Farewell and burn in hell

Mr. Black.

I know it's been awhile but I am trying to get some things done and have been uber busy with school and stuff.

+ Mariah.. Mariah.. Mariaaaaah!

>> I went to the club last Sunday and they played three Mariah songs in a row. No joke. One right after another. It was freaking great and everyone was singing along it was awesome that people still in Mariah and celebrating her. They played It's Like That, Fantasy and Honey. It was extreme. Plus I was a little bit drunk and I was having a blast. Yeah definitely the highlight of my evening. Too bad I was an hour late for work the next day. I've just been hearing all sorts of good things about her. I really love it. I can't wait for the Grammy Awards. I am praying that she gets at least all of them.

+ Working

>> I am still working at CVS. There was one day in particular that I got up and complained about how I was not an employee. I raged about not getting my discount card and getting my fair lunches and stuff like that. The next day I had a little meeting with my store manager.. thinking that I was going to get fired. Ha. It turned out for the best. I got my discount card in the mail after working for the company for about five months now. That's so disgusting. And they are going to send me back/retro pay in a couple of weeks. I am stoked.

+ Learning

>> I am back in school. Yes, this bro that said he was going to take the whole year off has returned to school. It was something that I felt that I had to do. I feeling so stuck and weird because everyone was in school and a couple of people I know have already graduated and have these nice jobs.. or way nicer than what I am doing and able to buy cars and start families and stuff. Anyway, I am going to Collins College in Tempe. I am right now in the middle of a financial dilemma and trying to get someone with good credit to cosign on my loan. If I could that would be totally great. If that's you .. call me. I'd appreciate it. But you can't be on financial aid assistance either.. cos I've tired a couple of people and it got rejected. So yeah, I working on that.

I am going there.. well, actually I am here right now. But, I am working on Visual Communication and I am having so much fun. It's not like those boring like general elective classes that really get on my nerves man. I don't know if anyone understands that. I'll also be done with school sooner than if I would have tried to do the G. Design program at ASU and majorly cheaper. MMMMMaj-or. Yeah.. I am going to miss all my ASU classes.. hahaahaha. Not really. I'll miss all the people that I've met there because they rarely call me or anything. We never hang out. I guess they have their own lives. It's all good.

+ Love

>> I have been going out with Shane for three months officially on the third of Feb. Yay! I've never had a relationship that's lasted this long. I am in a happy place. Yeah. Some people have been really cruel about me and Shane going out for so long. It's really been something that I've resisted from hitting people in the face.. and I swear I am not the violent type. Really I am not.

---- I think that's all that I have to report at the moment. And yes.. I've updated. Hehe.

The Ministry of Health says it will be happy to review the issue of gay men being rejected as sperm donors if it is asked to by the Human Rights Commission.

A Wellington man says he felt humiliated last week after he was told he could not become a donor because of his sexual orientation.

He says the experience left him feeling like a second-class citizen.

The Human Rights Commission says the man was refused on the basis of his sexual orientation, which is one of the grounds for complaint, set out in the Human Rights Act.

The ministry's deputy director general for clinical services, Dr Colin Feek, says many people are not able to donate sperm or blood, not just gay men.

New Zealand sperm banks are bound by regulations issued by an Australian Committee which controls accreditation in both countries, and prohibits gay donors.

BLAH. What's going on with everyone?

By Katie Hasty

NEW YORK (Billboard) - Sony Music and Wilderness Media and Entertainment are launching what appears to be the first record company with major-label backing to focus on gay, lesbian, bisexual and transgender artists.

Music With a Twist will recruit GLBT artists who appeal to mainstream audiences and the gay and lesbian community.

The label has not yet signed any artists but plans to release the first of a series of compilations in June during National Gay Pride Month. The release will feature tracks from its roster of artists as well as "gay- and lesbian-friendly" acts, according to Wilderness president Matt Farber. He says the label is not barring straight artists from joining the label, though the focus will remain on GLBT artists.

Wilderness has introduced several gay and lesbian media initiatives including MTV's cable TV network Logo, now available in some 20 million households.

Wilderness also is launching a two-hour syndicated radio show on January 15-16 on nine FM stations, including New York, Los Angeles and San Francisco markets. The Music With a Twist programs will feature interviews, entertainment news and lifestyle advice -- and provide another outlet for Twist artists. Plans for more affiliates in major markets and markets with prominent GLBT communities are in the works. AOL Radio has also signed on to air the program.

Reuters/Billboard

I have no where I am going
How I live is how I let other people let me
Live

Oh yeah
I am supposed to live my life to the fullest
   The way that I feel that I should be living
   and not the way that other people feel that it's
   appropriate in their eyes.

Uh yeah
That's got to be changing.
    I've definitely got to stop being what you want me to be
    Because I am totally unhappy being what you want me
    To live like and be like, your absolute fantasy that doesn't fit me

Oh yeah
Get wound up in anger and emotion
    Take it up with me and let me know how you feel
    And I'll let you know how I feel and strike you one 
    You might try to fight back but I'll duck and not dare to run
    Just knock you on the ground and let you feel the pain and rage from
    This pressure that you have been laying on me and placing on me and 
    Telling me that I am not good enough for you.

Uh yeah.
You have risen to a new me, a new era
    A new life and new shut the hell up and let me live my life
    Give advice when I need it and when you see me falling
    Pick me up when I scratch my knee and tell me everything will be all right.