I am trying to write more often, but we see how that's working out really well. Hehe. I am though. I wrote more this month than I have in a long time. Anyway...

Well I had a little incident at work. I had back spasms and it was like the worse thing that I have felt in a long time. I haven't really had them in awhile. I can't really remember the last time that I had one. I am just probably emotionally all wound up and don't know how to control it and my body is taking all the waste of mental trauma that I just choose to swallow and not put out on people.. and make them worry about me. Oh yeah! Bring on the heart attack! So went home early and didn't work on Wednesday. It was a bit awful but Scottie took care of me.

What else? I am got engaged to my lovie. Scott and I are planning on getting a comittment ceremony. Oh yeah, like someone said so I can suffer like the rest of the people of the world. I don't think that it's going to be that different.. It's just going to be more of a committed relationship and I hope I don't turn into an asshole or anything. Really. Cos I know some people's ex-wives that act like their heads are so far up their asses that they start eating their own shit for breakfast.

I also just turned 22 Yay! I saw people that I haven't seen in a long time. It was amazing. We had an amazing turn out. I am going to post some of the pictures soon on Facebook and on the website that I made for the party. It's a stone winner. I met amazing people too.

Tripping out and falling up.

(Highland Heights , Kentucky) A 10-year-old Chris Klucsarits dreamed of becoming a professional wrestler.

But he would have to practice more than holds and punches. He would have to become practiced at hiding a secret: he was gay.

He began his double life while a kid in Queens, N.Y., and would eventually take the last name Kanyon to achieve his dreams by becoming a star of World Wrestling Entertainment.

He struggled to keep the secret. Who, he wondered, would want to employ a gay wrestler?

If he told his fans and bosses, surely they would let him go. Which, he said, is what happened. Kanyon related his story to about 200 Northern Kentucky University students as part of National Coming Out Day on Wednesday, in which groups across the country garner support for gays, lesbians, bisexuals and transgender people. Sponsored by Common Ground, the school’s Gay/Straight Alliance, speakers were featured throughout the day, including those from the Human Rights Campaign, Kentucky Equality and the AIDS Volunteers of Cincinnati.

“You’re afraid to come out of the closet,” said Kanyon, 36.

“I didn’t even realize how much of a relief it would be,” he said. “I thought, ‘I will get rid of the fear, I will get rid of the paranoia,’ just by taking that one step coming out.”

Still, it took years and a suicide attempt to bring him to it. Kanyon tried to overdose on sleeping pills but didn’t take enough.

“I thought, ‘What the hell have you done to yourself?”’ he said.

When rumors of his homosexuality spread through the industry, Kanyon was convinced his bosses knew his secret.

Shortly thereafter in 2004, he retired from the WWE.

“I am convinced I fell out of favor because they knew I was gay,” he said.

He needed to admit it. First, he told his brother. Then he told his parents. Earlier this year, in an independent wrestling match in Ontario, Canada, Kanyon admitted it to the wrestling community.

“I’ve never been happier,” he told the crowd.

The NKU campus has been divided over gay rights since August, when threatening messages were found on the door of Kentucky Hall resident assistant Jeremy Phillippi, a student who has said he is gay.

Phillippi filed a complaint with the Florence-based Kentucky Equality Federation.

“That was a big part of why I wanted to be here,” Kanyon said. “We need to educate people.”

The university has since committed funds to groups like Common Ground to help spread awareness, said 21-year-old Katie Nelson, Common Ground co-president.

The university also has pledged to fund “Safe Zone” training for faculty, staff and student leaders so they can learn how to help students struggling with their sexuality.

©365Gay.com 2006

Mariah Carey closed the American leg of the superb Adventures of Mimi tour at the US Airways Arena in Phoenix, Arizona. There was huge expectation due to the importance and magnitude of this sold-out concert. The stage, which had the shape of a giant "M", showed different colors in accordance to the song. Outside, a giant poster announced the thrilling concert.
The show started at 7:45 when Busta Rhymes took the microphone to perform his fun Hip-Hop. The opening show had its ups, presenting songs such as "I Know What You Want" and others from his long recording career; however, there were moments when people from the audience seemed tired. Rhymes reminded the audience that it was the last concert in the U.S from the Adventures of Mimi tour, which excited fans even more.
Mariah Carey took the stage at 9:30 as she was received by a hectic audience. The entire arena stood up to catch a gaze of the superstar. The opening started with Mariah Carey's voice giving the "rollercoaster" speech in which she states that "if you don't get on the ride, you won't experience the adventure". In the huge screens, we could see Mariah Carey falling from the sky until she appeared in the center of the stage.
The first track, "It's Like That", described exactly Mariah's feeling of "emancipation" being transmitted to the audience. This moment was perhaps the climax of the night. Mariah wore a sexy black bikini and a cape. Mariah looked astonishing and certainly impressive. Later, Carey continued with a medley of "Heartbreaker", presenting something different from previous tours. "Dreamlover" ignited the concert because of the closeness between Mariah and the crowd.
During the performance of "My All", Mariah joked with the audience as she included "Phoenix" in the lyrics. Once again, her voice sounded even better than in the album. She left the stage while the David Morales remix was being played, and the stage was taken over by Mariah's incredible dancers. Minutes later, the Mimi sign went down, and Mariah sang "Shake it Off"; she even danced, which was surprising for many. She left the stage at the time the DJ played old R&B and Hip-Hop hits; despite reports from some journalists, these short segments did not break the excitement of the concert.
"Vision of Love" was introduced by Mariah saying, "This is my first song." She surprised us by hitting such high notes that, at moments, it was all we could hear. In fact, Mariah Carey's voice has not changed; it is powerful and expressive! MC continued with "Fly Like a Bird"; she pointed out the importance of the song as it is based on spirituality. Mariah used a strong voice that reminded us the days when she debuted.
Before leaving the stage for Trey Lorenz, Mariah talked about the story behind "I'll Be There". MC said she needed to sing a cover during the MTV Unplugged concert and that they decided to do the song a day before the show. "I'll Be There" was another highlight as people sincerely responded to the song and Mariah asked the audience to join her. Trey took the microphone and sang a song from his new album, as well as a song by Michael Jackson and the hit "Crazy".
When Trey finished, the arena was completely dark. Mariah later appeared on the "B" stage to continue with the show. This mini stage was surrounded by fans who got the opportunity to be closer to Mariah. The first song in this new stage was the remix to "Fantasy", which was enthusiastically received by the crowd. At the end of the song, the moving messages "O.D.B - rest in peace" and "we'll miss you" appeared in the screens.
Carey thanked her audience for making "Don't Forget about Us" her seventeenth #1 single and later performed the song while the arena was completely illuminated by a disco ball. MC continued with "Always Be My Baby", which was introduced by Mariah as the first song she ever wrote with Jermaine Dupri. She also read some posters and walked through the crowd until she hit the main stage. At this point, Mariah was so close to the audience that it seemed as if we were one.
She thanked the audience and said: "You guys are some of the best audiences I've had"; she continued saying "I really mean it!" Obviously, fans were even more excited at this point. She also remarked the importance of the concert because it was the final stop for The Adventures of Mimi in North America. She also said that the show was going to continue in Asia.
Mariah continued the show with a completely new performance of "Honey". The screen showed Mariah's silhouette as the "secret agent" she played in the video. During this performance, Mariah was actually part of the choreography without losing the "MC" style. She later abandoned the stage to wear something according to the following songs.
Minutes later, Mariah hit the stage again performing a snippet of "I Wish You Knew", which included the speech. She explained that this part of the show was "free" for her to sing anything from her catalog. She sang a part of "Can't Let Go", which was perfectly identified by the crowd. She continued with "Thank God I Found You/Make It Last", with Trey Lorenz, explaining that this remix was one of the most extraordinary remixes she's ever done. The latter was an insightful performance that touched many.
The most emotional moment of the night was "One Sweet Day", which Mariah dedicated to a fan and his brother who had passed away. The entire crowd joined Mariah to sing the lines, "Sorry, I never told you / All I wanted to say". When Mariah finished the song, many people from the audience were even crying; "One Sweet Day" definitely proved that Mariah and the crowd were one.
MC said, "Why can't life be festive all the time?" Mariah explained the story behind the hymn "Hero" and how that song was going to be sung by another artist. She explained how, according to fans, the song has changed their lives. It was another remarkable moment where it seemed Mariah was singing to every person individually. She left the stage, but we knew there was something else for us.
Mariah appeared again to perform her new signature song "We Belong Together"; it was astonishing to see thousands singing this song with Mariah. "We Belong Together" had a special importance because of the enormous success MC had with that song. The show was closed with the song "Butterfly" and confetti. The crowd experienced with Mariah an exceptional night that will be unforgettable.
The show was advertised as "The Voice, The Hits, The Tour", and attendants received that and more. Mariah's voice is extraordinary; one has to see Mariah Carey live to believe it. The concert gathered some of the biggest hits, as well as the most memorable songs from her #1 album The Emancipation of Mimi. During the show, Mariah Carey was confident and close to the audience.
After the show ended, one could hear people saying: "This is the best concert I've seen" or "That's why I love Mariah Carey so much!" Mariah looked happy and thankful; in a few words, the final stop for The Adventures of Mimi in America was terrific!

Dear God,

Something good has landed on my lap.
Someone good has made me the happiest that I have ever been.
Someone that made me feel comfortable...
    that made me feel like I am at the top of an emotional high
        Someone that gives me the love that I need and tells me how beautiful I am
        Someone that feels that empty space that someone and some persons had promised me in the past.

Dear God,

O please let me tell you that this is a great great opportunity that you have allowed me to live.
    Please do not take this blessing that I have.

        Please allow for me to have the happiness until the day that I die.
        I am so happy.. I am so happy.. That I am sure you know.

I am happy.. I happy now.. and I want to be happy forever!

xO

Sweet.
Happy moments.
Sweet
Tears of joy.

This is the happiest that I have ever been.

When you asked me to take your hand in marriage
I can't help but to say yes. Yes! Let this happiness continue.

Well it's been awhile since I have wrtten hear and I miss being able to and everything. I miss my little family that I had here. Hehe. You are like yeah right.. I don't even know who you are. Ha ha. I know.

Well.. we know that Shane is out of the picture and that I have moved on to the handsome and adorable Mr. Scott. He rocks my world and I can't stop thinking about him. I am learning to let my guard down all over again. I am learning to trust all over again. It's just really weird for me. I am really grateful that he patient enough to help me through it and getting to know me little by little and not rushing anything. If that's what you want to call it.

We have been together for about four months... tomorrow it will be four months. I am so happy! Hehe. Well chicks I just want to say that I am heer (yes..heer) and that I am not gone. Stop by and leave messages. Love to hear from you.

XO

Before I post the story that I am going to post. I just wanted to let Hanna R. know that I did receive her comments and I can try to be at your luau. Please let me know when it is. Please. I am sorry that I have not found the font that I used because I downloaded a bunch of fonts and my computer crashed. I haven't been able to find them. I am sorry. I would like a t-shirt please. Thanks

(Sacramento, California) The California Assembly on Thursday passed legislation banning discrimination in state operated or funded programs on the basis of actual or perceived sexual orientation or gender identity.

The Assembly voted 43-25.  The bill has already passed the senate.

"This bill will close an important gap in California's nondiscrimination laws," said Senator Sheila Kuehl (D-Santa Monica), the measure's author.

The legislation is designed to protect from discrimination, Californians who utilize public services such as police and fire protection, financial aid, social services and food stamps. 

The measure would also include protections for those associated with a person receiving services who has, or is perceived to have, any characteristic covered by the bill.

"I am very pleased that my colleagues passed this measure and supported the principle that everyone should have equal access to the programs and services provided by our government,” said Kuehl.

The bill now moves to Gov. Arnold Schwarzenegger.  The governor has not indicated whether or not he will sign the bill.

Schwarzenegger has a mixed record on LGBT legislation. Last year he vetoed a bill that would have legalized same-sex marriage in the state (story) and he threatened to veto a legislation that would have mandated teaching LGBT history in schools.

That bill, also authored by Kuehl, was gutted earlier this week at her request, removing most of the contentious language. (story) 

©365Gay.com 2006

Rewarding her fans with that voice, those hits and her first tour in 3 years

If the Grammy Awards ever includes a Best Comeback honor, they can give that golden statuette to the same singer they honored in 1990 as Best New Artist.

Now, as then, it wouldn't be much of a contest: Mariah Carey would win the 2006 comeback award, just as she won the new artist award 16 years ago.

Currently touring in support of her 2005 album The Emancipation of Mimi, and on the road for the first time in three years, Carey has rebounded in a major way from a series of personal and professional misadventures.

Two tracks on the album, "We Belong Together" and "Shake It Off," made Carey only the sixth artist ever to simultaneously occupy the top two positions on the Billboard "Hot 100" list. The album also generated her 16th and 17th No. 1 singles, putting her just behind Elvis Presley and the Beatles for the most chart-topping singles.

Not too shabby, especially considering music experts had pretty much written Carey off after a well-publicized artistic and personal meltdown just four years ago. She struggled to find a direction for her music, was dropped by Virgin Records and saw the semi-autobiographical film and recording project Glitter receive a universal thumbs down from film and music critics.

It probably didn't help that Glitter was released Sept. 11, 2001. Ultimately, life came crashing down around Carey, who suffered a physical and emotional breakdown.

But The Emancipation of Mimi brought her back from the brink. Collaborating with producers including Kanye West and long-time collaborator Jermaine Dupri, Carey said the album was like "a party record."

"It was the process of putting on makeup and getting ready to go out [to a party]," she said when the album was released. "I wanted to make a record that was reflective of that."

Mimi became the year's best-selling album in the United States, won three Grammy Awards and earned her some of her best reviews since her big years in the early 1990s.

Although the album is already a multi-platinum seller, her decision to finally tour was to reward her fans for hanging in there and refusing to give up on her. And so The Adventures of Mimi: The Voice, The Hits, The Tour was born.

"I wanted to do the songs from the album for my fans, because it's kind of like our celebration," the 36-year-old singer and songwriter said in videotaped remarks released before she launched the tour in Miami on Aug. 5.

"I mean, I have my 16th and 17th No. 1 records [on the album], and I think that's a victory for me and for my fans," she added.

But Carey is savvy enough to know that her fans won't let her off the stage if she doesn't perform some of her earlier hits. So with the help of musical director Randy Jackson (American Idol), Carey has taken some of her earliest hits and updated the arrangements. Others, she said, have been left intact.

"I'm just taking everybody on this fun journey," Carey said.

The journey stops at the Trump Taj Mahal on Aug. 17 and 19. At 5,200 seats, the casino's Etess Arena is easily the smallest room she'll play on the tour by at least half, if not more.

She's taking Friday night off because throughout her career, Carey has almost never worked two nights in a row. She credits her mother, a former opera singer and vocal coach, with teaching her how to protect and preserve her voice, which spans an astonishing seven octaves.

"As a songwriter, for some strange reason I write all of my songs up in the [octave] stratosphere," she said. "It requires vocal rest. And I learned a lot from my mom about not hurting your voice, not over-singing, not singing when you have a cold, and to make sure on off days that you don't speak."

On her non-speaking days, Carey said she usually gets blisters on her fingers from "writing like a million notes."

Although her travel budget would probably allow for the use of a private jet on the tour, Carey is literally sticking to the road. Working practically every other night from now through early October, she's got a tricked-out tour bus in which she can crash and chill after a show and sleep as she and her troupe travel.

"[The bus] is my home away from home," she said. Although it's as luxurious as a motor coach can get, Carey said it isn't her ultimate bus.

"That'll come on the next tour," she said. "I didn't have time to do [the bus] the way I wanted to, which would really be "pimp my ride times 10."


Mariah Carey performs at the Trump Taj Mahal Thursday, Aug. 17, at 8pm and Saturday, Aug. 19, at 9pm. Tickets are $85, $175 and $300 and are available through Ticketmaster at 1-800-736-1420 or ticketmaster.com.

You swear that you are the one going through the toture.
I can tell you that it's totally the opposite on this side of the road.

I can't handle that you keep playing like you are the victim.

This is finished. Over.
I am done waiting for you to find a way to learn to deal with your everyday changing moods.
I am done feeling like I am on the outside and looking in.
This is over. Finished.

Do you ever wonder what it would be like if you were in my shoes
Would you ever wonder what I was thinking and who I was with
And who would be who?

Would it make you understand what I am going through a lot better
Would you understand the pain that I am going through
Would you breathe out or take it all in?