LONELINESS AND ALL HIS FRIENDS
(written by: P.A. Jervis, Jr.)

I'm feeling the feeling that I am the only one in this place.
The only one that's got myself and no one else
Loneliness and all his friends are staring me right in my face
Trying to take my hand dance around to this lonely melody
I'm feeling the feeling that I am the only in this place

I realize that I am weak, the loneliness is a feeling that's so strong
The feeling that makes me go under and feel so low and like life is going by so fast.
Loneliness and all his friends have come over but it all just feels wrong
Trying to get closer and closer to me and take me under
I realize that I am weak and the loneliness is a feeling that's so strong.

I am in the middle of losing my mind and going crazy, but you tell me I'm over reacting
The only one experiencing the feeling currently is me not you.
Loneliness and all his friends are just like mine and telling me to stop reacting
Trying to fight the feeling as it gets closer is what I feel I should do, when I am being to told to except it.
I am in the middle of losing my mind and going crazy, but you tell me I'm over reacting

 

LEXINGTON, Ky. — Two gay men who parented quadruplets and then a fifth child with a surrogate mother have been fighting for the quads’ custody more than a year, court records reveal.

Moreover, Michael Meehan, the 3-year-olds’ biological father, alleges in court documents that the couple ended their same-sex-partner relationship two months before the quad babies were born in 2002. However, Meehan said, they continued to share expenses and purchased and shared a home and business.

Also, Meehan alleges that Thomas Dysarz started dating someone else in the summer of 2003 and brought the man to live with the babies and Meehan.

Dysarz had been seeking custody and time-sharing of the quadruplets. Meehan, a lawyer, is not seeking visitation with the fifth child, who is Dysarz’s 19-month-old biological son.

The Kentucky Court of Appeals on Thursday dismissed Dysarz’s appeal of a Fayette Circuit Court decision that said he did not qualify as a “person acting as a parent” under Kentucky law and had no standing to bring a custody action.

Court of Appeals records made public parts of the court case, which had been sealed since it was filed by Dysarz in June 2004.

Meehan has custody of his biological children — the three boys and one girl born to Meehan and surrogate mother Brooke Verity on July 26, 2002.

Dysarz said that Meehan had moved to Atlanta. Meehan could not be reached for comment.

---

To reach Valarie Honeycutt Spears, send e-mail to vhoneycutt@herald-leader.com .

IF LOVE ISN'T ALL THAT, WHY DOES IT MEAN SO MUCH TO ME?

//FRIDAY//

- Woke up around 8ish I think or maybe even sooner. I can't seem to sleep well these days.
+ Get a text message from Michael, hoping that I have a good day
+ Chat with some guys on my faceless profile on Manhunt.net. I get more responses without a picture than with.
+ Chat with Ada a little bit, as well as some other people.
- Justin sends me a link to Matt's Myspace.com profile, labeled UH OH! I thought it was like a joke like link or something... like he usually sends.
- Matt's happy with his ex, Carlos. On that note, Corby is happy with Sid. Lastly, Justin his happy with (I don't remember his boyfriends name).
- I feel in the dumps for hearing about it and sort of try to change the subject with Justin, but it doesn't work.
+ Go and get ready for work. Singing 'The Diary of Alicia Keys.'
- Missed the first bus to be on time to work. Get the next bus and late for work.
+ Get trained at the register.
- I am really nervous for the first couple customers
- Missed my first 15 minute break, almost miss lunch.
+ Hoagie from Fry's for dinner.
+ Boring, doing some register, then walking the floor.
+ Text JP... listen to Jack Johnson.
+ Get a ride home from JP.
+ Talk to KELLY (hehe), I never called him that when he was here. Ewh, I think I caught something, like I miss you.
- Back to the empty apartment. I just sit there crying. Ugh.
+ Call from Ada, in the middle of my crying session
+ Some drinking at Rico's and Pipper's, probably one of the last times. Or the last time... Guest appearances by the Hurd Machine and Sarah (who knows where Wilberforce, OH is now.)
+ Watch spots of Zoolander. Fall a sleep a bit and go home.
- Don't want to fall asleep on the couch again.
+ Quiet ride home...
- So I am a little gone and chatting with people, just poring out all the emotion.. venting worse than an AC on a summer day.
+/- Found out somethings that made me jealous, but I am still happy. It just really bothered me.
- Try falling asleep with Sara Evans on repeat but the assholes upstairs keep banging on my ceiling. I play music or a movie before I go to bed. I don't see the difference. So I just feel asleep with banging and Sara Evans singing.

DARKNESS IS MY ENEMY
(written by: P.A. Jervis, Jr.)

Darkness has fallen, darkness has covered me
It falls upon me and sucks my energy dry
Taking everything, everything--taking the best of me.

The darkness has fallen, the darkness is after me
It takes every effort to enter my life and take me under
Taking me to a level so low that I cry tears for no reason

The darkness has covered me, the darkness has no heart
It fills me up with false hopes and confuses me with lies and sin
Taking the love that I thought I felt

Darkness is my enemy, but it's taking my life
It's ruling it's control, I try to fight it.. sometime winning the battle
Taking all control, darkness has won the war.

Darkness is my enemy.

Gay-Friendly God Smites Boy Scouts

Aug 10 2005 by Spinner Street

Instead of a feel-good event where boys revel in being boys, this year's annual Boy Scouts of America National Jamboree faced storms, deaths, electrocutions, horrors of biblical proportion, and a visit from President Bush.

The nightmare in Falls Church, VA has some wondering just what went wrong. Throughout history, wholesome, God-fearing groups have been favored with good weather during important annual festivities designed to showcase their right-mindedness.

But the Jamboree had deteriorated to such a state that President Bush playfully quipped, "You'd be better off in Iraq than here. I know where you can sign up!"

Others agreed. "Just look at the Jonestown massacre, they had excellent weather," grumbled one scoutmaster whose legs had broken after a giant replica merit badge for knot tying blew over on him during a thunderstorm. "They had perfect weather for their special day, and darn it, we deserve the same!"

Such was the consensus throughout the Jamboree, following an array of mishaps that called into question not only the preparedness of the Boy Scouts but also their closeness with God. Not only had the group been caught without body bags - let alone proper funeral supplies - they also seemed to be caught off guard with each successive disaster.

As scouts and their leaders attempt to heal from the physical and emotional wounds inflicted on them, some have begun suspecting God of "going gay."

"How else can you explain it?" demanded Jared Pabulum, a scout leader form Provo Utah. "It's as though we drove His people from our midst and now He's smiting us." (The Boy Scouts went to the Supreme Court to win the right to expel gay scouts.)

Adding credence to the otherwise ludicrous speculation is the fact that God has been frequenting His local YMCA, where He's been spotted "working out" up to three times a week despite having a full Nautilus-brand home exercise system at home. "God merely enjoys the camaraderie and support of working out at the Y," explained spokesperson Ramone Bain. "There's nothing gay about that."

Bain, however, could not explain Will and Grace's 15 Emmy award nominations

KICK ME WHEN I AM DOWN AND EXPECT THE BEST OUT OF ME.

+ got a good nights rest.. it was great.
- woke up at around 945ish and realized that the baker hasn't called or anything to help her move.
- she doesn't want to move any more and I can't really help her because I have to work.
+ get steve to go over and help her pack and moved for today.
- the baker decides that she doesn't want his help and she won't move today
+/- go to work and realize that a truck load came in this morning and need to have it done by tomorrow.
+/- get asked to work over time tonight until about midnight and tomorrow/today, when it's supposed to be my day off.
+ work .. work .. work, but I enjoy it.smiling, greeting people.
+ eric is hilarious!
- no call from jp, so I guess they didn't do anything tonight.. or they just didn't call me. it's cool
+ after working 12 hours and chatting with some people. i am off to bed.

LEARNING TO BE ME ALL OVER AGAIN
(written by P.A. Jervis, Jr.)

Broken, bruised and losing control
Losing control of my life, I can't hold on
I was holding on to the image that was me, thinking that's the way that I was going to be forever

Forever, is what you said to me
Forever in loneliness is what you leave me
Last night it hit me when I kept seeing the couples
The couples doing their kissing, their cuddling and sweet somethings
I realized that you fucked up my life and that I've got to learn to move on
I've got learn to develop this new me that can filter the guys like you out of my life

Once I started to see the cuddling and kissing .. at first I got jealous and wished that someone was beside me so
That I could enjoy what they were enjoying.. the giggling, the laughing, the companionship.. the possiblity of love
Then I realized that I can make it on my own, I just have to try to be single for awhile and wait
I am not in any rush to get my heart broken again, like I have three times over in the past few months
I'm learning how to be me all over again, to live.. to learn.. to love another way other than romantically.

Broken, bruised and trying to gain self control
And learn who I am again before I move on to finding love and learn who that person is

Initiative would ban same-sex marriage

Measure could end insurance benefits for unmarried couples

 by Grayson Steinberg
 published on Tuesday, August 2, 2005

A proposed initiative would ban same-sex marriages in Arizona.

The Protect Marriage Arizona coalition has put forward a measure that would constitutionally define marriage as a union between one man and one woman. The amendment also would abolish the domestic partnership as a legal status.

Peter Gentala, legal counsel at the Center for Arizona Policy, one of the amendment's supporters, said the coalition is currently collecting signatures. The organization must submit 183,917 valid signatures by July 2006 in order to get the initiative on the November ballot.

This move follows the passage of similar amendments in 11 states during the 2004 presidential election.

Marriage already is defined as a heterosexual union in Arizona through the 1996 Defense of Marriage Act. Gentala said he feels this amendment is necessary to keep marriage from being reinterpreted through court rulings, which was the case with a ruling legalizing same-sex marriage in Massachusetts in 2004. Voters can "proactively" change their constitution and, therefore, protect the definition of marriage so it couldn't be judicially altered, he said.

But Amy Kobeta, the director of public affairs at the Arizona Human Rights Fund, said the amendment was "unnecessary" and "unfair" because current Arizona law already prohibited recognition of same-sex marriages. She said she believes this initiative would alter the constitution to limit the rights of individuals who had done nothing to deserve such discrimination.

The Arizona Human Rights Fund is part of the Arizona Together coalition leading the campaign against the amendment.

"It's a sacred document," Kobeta said. "To be playing political football with it is just a shame."

Gentala said traditional marriage should be upheld because it keeps couples in committed relationships and provides a secure environment under which children can be raised. Kids raised in same-sex households would "operate under a significant disadvantage," lacking a distinct mother or father.

"The state should never set out to promote a family situation where children are raised without a mother or a father," Gentala said.

But Kobeta disagreed, saying that children growing up in gay and lesbian households could still have loving parents, regardless of their genders. Studies have shown that children raised in same-sex families have become just as "well-adjusted," as any other children in adulthood, she said.

She added that she believes there is no "logical reason" why marriage should be limited only to heterosexual couples.

"Marriage is a wonderful thing." Kobeta said. "Why wouldn't we want to expand it to include more people?"

Kobeta also said the amendment would affect straight couples as well, by denying vital state-funded medical insurance to about 500 families in the cities of Tempe, Scottsdale, Phoenix and Tucson.

"There's no record of how many kids would be impacted by losing those health care benefits," Kobeta added.

But Gentala said this amendment would only prevent government agencies from offering domestic partnership health benefits. Individuals could still name their partners as beneficiaries in their wills, for example, or give them the right to make medical decisions in the event of an emergency.

The few employees who stand to lose medical coverage could still receive it through partners working at private businesses, he said.

"A private company can offer any type of benefit package and this amendment won't do anything about that," Gentala said.

Kobeta said that if the proposed amendment passed, businesses could be discouraged from coming to Arizona because they couldn't offer the best possible benefits packages for their workers. Potential employees could also be dissuaded from working at firms that couldn't offer desired medical coverage, she said, doing a great "disservice" to Arizona and its economy.

Valerie Hernandez, human resources manager for the city of Tempe, said that she could not comment on the proposed constitutional amendment, saying that could be interpreted as the city taking a position on the issue.

Hernandez did note Tempe has offered health insurance to all eligible employees and their partners since 2000. While Arizona law does not require municipal governments to do this, she said, the city does not make distinctions between different groups of people based on their legal status when providing medical coverage.

Gentala said he was optimistic about the amendment's support, noting that in other states, similar measures have passed with an average 70 percent of the votes.

"It's ... probably been the most successful political movement in recent times," he said.

Reach the reporter at grayson.steinberg@asu.edu.

WHO AM I? WHAT MAKES ME DIFFERENT?
(written by P.A. Jervis, Jr.)

I can't believe that I am
Who I am

Who am I?
You ask...

Here there and everywhere
I swear that I could be a somebody that really believes he is a nobody

I am a friend that puts the lovers in front of his friends
I am the loser that loses the lovers and begs for his friends return

I swear I've never to meant to hurt anyone
But so far, I've become expert at it.. so seamless and natural

I've failed to see love right in front of my face
And live the romance that is far away but so near to me
Because of the past, when I am the one that tells people to let go of the past
For it strangles the heart and drains it of the love

I am the one that falls for the lovers that say they love me
Yet and still they don't love me at all, in the end it's me that falls

I am the one that hides in the corner to the back
Stands away from the crowd, observes the people and realizes that I am completely different than everyone else
Sometime I act like this doesn't bother me, then all of a sudden I break down

I am the friend that is late returning library books that a friend was so kind to check out for me
I am the loser that returns the book four weeks late and has no money to pay for the books lost adventures in my hands
As I found out what kind of misbehaviors the characters were up to

I am the online chatter that tries to meet new people
Online junkie, sometime feeling like an underpaided tech support person

I am the hidden nobody that somebody knows about
Yet that somebody is hiding from me or at least I just pretend not to see

I am the reader that reads the weirdest shit that no likes to read
I've picked up fresh books that are more than 10 years old the last few times I've been to library
I am the reader that wants to read War and Peace one day

I am the person that drinks alone, in an empty apartment
I have friends that come over to support and comfort me
Or just get drunk right along with me.. otherwise, I get drunk me. me. me.

I am the t-shirt screenprint designer that creates fabulous t-shirts for fabulous people to wear
I am the design, I make the changes, I do it even when people are in rages

I am the t-shirt screenprint designer that is still waiting for his bag that he designed
Everytime I ask for one, I get fed excuses when I didn't ask for any.. I am full.
Just like everyone that gives me the excuses is full of shit

I am alone, lot of the time, most of the time because sometime I like to be
But when the lonely time is over there is most no one here to rescue me to take me away
Except for the online creepers, guys that live with their parents at 39, and heart breakers

I am the road trip DJ that loves to travel with friends and family
I love to keep the entertainment rolling and love taking requests unless the rest of the car doesn't want to hear it
Be careful though, you might get out numbered and listen to something that you won't want to listen to

I am a former marketing major that has been kicked out of the business school
I am the loser student that is trying to redeem myself after receiving a letter from the business school with rejection and being told that I couldn't do one of the best positions on camps because I failed to keep my head in a book and learn just a little more

I am the loser that dates losers and seems to have some kind of attraction to losers
I keep on dating them and they keep on dumping me.. I give too much of my heart
They take it way and they run with it.

I am the man that used to scream on roll-a-coasters and close my eyes
I am now the man that gives everything he has to smile when it comes to camera time on the coaster
I am the man that keeps his eyes open during the three minutes of the coaster. I have over come my fear

Who am I?
I am still trying to put it together

I am the person that everyone thinks is a joke, a laugh
I fear that some people don't take me serious sometime
I feel that people sometime take me too serious or just don't care how I am feeling

I am that stranger that walks by you in the store and starts a random conversation with you
Standing next to cereal and telling you about my weekend or how I've been working all day
I am sure that you don't care but it feels better just to share and get it off my chest

I am the poet that goes to open mic night
Screaming, yelling, whispering, dancing and expressing emotion
On this one night I give everything I have to let the world into my world

I am the person that loves to celebrate and have fun
Singing, dancing and loving every moment while I am in the fun
Then remembering the good times afterward

I am the skater that sprang his middle finger
Who has not gotten back on one, but is trying it out since he bought a cheap one at Target

I am the apartment renter that pays half rent for a two bedroom apartment
Who hardly sees his roommate, but his roommate still pays half

I am the shopper, that hardly turns down the opportunity to go shopping
With nice clothes, nice things and such harsh and ugly credit card bills and overdrawn bank accounts

I am the single black male that sometime doesn't like to listen to rap
And doesn't like being stereotyped or being called out of name

I am the gay guy that has never had a relationship past one month and two weeks
I've never role played and I enjoy sex without the toys
I love to giggle and flirt with all the cute boys

I am the gay guy that ignores the stalkers and often get caught up in forgetting people
I forget everyone and block everyone from my mind

I am the shelter kid from California, that is still learning how to live life
How to pay bills and survive on my own with out the parental umbrella
But I tell you it rains hard sometime, I can't even lie.. when it rains it pours, for months sometime

I am the kid that decided to leave California to come to Arizona
Arizona is the place where I find freedom and I can be myself
Despite all the people laughing and pointing at me, like they do everywhere else, I am feeling a lot happier here

I am the Californian that lives in Arizona that misses my friends in San Bernardino, Rialto, and other spotted areas
I am the Californian doesn't miss the dirty air and difficulties to breathe, but missing the late night clubbing

I am the young boy that is steadily growing into a young man
That misses his family back in California.. only seeing them on weekends, every other month
In the back of his mind is the cousin that is Iraq, that no has heard from in months
My heart is turning purple while you are out there trying to get one

I am the runner that runs long distance, training twice a day
Most people think that's crazy, I think it's just fine

I am the Mariah Carey fan that is proud of her recent achievements
Proudly singing a whole CD at least once a day and wishing that I could be successful singer
Trying to catch every note, sometime going back when I miss the note until I get the note right to sing along with her

I am the text messager that goes over his limits when really interested in getting to knowing someone without talking to them
On the phone because sometime you just don't feel like hearing their voice on the other end, but mostly it's fun and stimulating to do text messages.

BLACK AND WHITE LOVE
(written P.A. Jervis, Jr.)

I share my love, I share my heart
I give it all.. I fall apart
You said that you were going to be my everything

I now see that nothing last forever
I see now that you were just a liar
You said that you were going to fulfill my every need

I have very few desires and wants
I have the heart bigger than anyone's ever known
You took advantage of it and crush my hope, desire

I cried tears once in your name
I cried tears twice in your name
You never called to make sure that I am okay

I know that I could never love you anyway
I know that I deserve something so much better than you've ever been to me
You can go ahead and keep living life miserably

I will keep on keeping on
I will find true love or will true love find me
You are the one that's going to be lonely and in need

I am moving on
I am moving on, strong at that
You are weak and I am strong, for this my last goodbye and you must be gone