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THANKS FOR WASTING MY TIME AND BURNING UP THE LOVE IN MY HEART

I can't believe that I spent the time and effort to try to give out my heart. For those that don't know what happened, Matt broke up with me over a cell phone text message. Sending messages like he can't get back with me and stuff like that. It was just really ridiculous... it made me really sad but I can't let it ruin my faboulous superstar weekend. Even though I haven't really been feeling like a celebrity this weekend. I am trying.. I am really trying. So yeah Matt has called me an asshole as he has expressed on his blog [ link ]. If you want to leave any comments I won't mind. Even angry one's I'll permit.

Well we have been to Hurricane Harbor and Six Flags.. and now it's late night in the hotel. We are having sommmme fun so yeah. I don't know how well I am going to be at delivery detail but I don't know if I will be able to do it later. I don't feel like doing it right now. Just feeling a case of lonelies for real, I don't think anyone really knows though.. I just can't believe that I keep walking into traps like that. It drives me crazy for real. For now, I am just sitting back waiting for love.. even though I can't stand being lonely. But fuck I am full of shit, I don't know how long I can stand the lonely.. So I am just going to try to just to relax and enjoy the rest of the vacation. EEEEYah.. well good night.. presents for some.
CELEBRATION: 10000 VISITORS AT CLUB.MIMI

We at Club.Mimi are excited to inform all clubbers, new and continuing visitors to Club.Mimi, that we've reached 10000 visitors and are celebrating. We would like to thank those that invite people to come visit, the people that come to visit and are always welcoming the visitors to the club. Would also like to thank Mariah Carey for being the main inspiration of the site. Without her, of course, this wouldn't be possible. Also in thanking, we'd like to thank Mariah Daily, MCArchives.com, MariahMadness.net and so many of our affiliates. Thanks and we appreciate the support that you have shown us.

In celebration of the 10000 visit to the Club, we promise to continue to deliever the news, media and so much more that is provided at here on a regular basis.

Look for some features that maybe unlocked due to the celebration of the 10000th visit. Please do email us: clubmimi@patrickjervis.com, to let us know what you think needs improvement and what to add to the site to make your clubbing experience just a little bit better. Thanks once again.
CONGRATS TO BENJI!
Following the recent auditions for South Coast Idol, Benji Hayes has made it through to the final 20 of the Portsmouth heats.

The
up and coming weeks will be a flurry of promotion, interviews and
preperation until September 10th 2005 sees Benji take the stage in Portsmouth Pyramids Centre and go up against 19 other talented singers with a hope of going through to the Finals in November.

More
details of how to vote, support and listen to the new tracks recorded
will be available VERY soon so keep popping by and in the mean time why
not take the time to leave some words of encouragement for Benji in his
guestbook.
PLEASE HELP ME OVER.. (COPIED FROM STUDENT VILLAGE)

Alicia, please help me. Four years ago I met a guy and we started dating. He is the first guy I have ever loved and the only one I have ever said those words to. Everything was going well between us until a mutual acquaintance (I have known the acquaintance for longer) told him something that was untrue about me. He then dumped me without telling me, I had to figure it out for myself. Alicia I was very hurt by the lack of respect he showed, after all the "I love you's" he didn't even have the decency to call and tell me it's over. I spent about three months seeing his face whenever I looked at a guy. About two months later I used to get missed call from numbers I didn't know and therefore I never called the numbers and I later discovered it was him using his friends' phones because he was scared of calling me. During that year I tried getting over him to no avail, I even tried dating other guys hoping to forget him but obviously it never worked. Anyway to make a long story short we have since made up and broken up four times. He keeps dumping me but the last time I did the dumping (I wanted to beat him to the punch) and regretted it the following day. At first I thought I couldn't get over him because of the way he dumped me the first time (i.e. no closure), and then my friends said maybe it's because we never made love but I'm still in love with the dude. Some days I feel if he came back I will be strong enough to say no other days I want him so much. I have a new boyfriend and he is a dream but unfortunately I wish he was my ex. He knows how I feel and he told me he is willing to wait for me to get over my ex what he doesn't know is that it's been four years of pining. Alicia please advise me on how to get over my ex and give my all to this incredible guy. I have tried the staying single trick, the having someone else take his place trick-please help me I'm at my wits end. I don't want to go back to my ex even if he comes back because I feel if it hasn't worked four times it never will.

Well, you are right: if it hasn’t worked yet the chances are good it never will. My personal philosophy is: Never go back. Whatever made it impossible for you to stay together in the first place will always be there. You can’t expect to change a person; they will always be the way they are. If you can’t live with them as they are, it’s unfair to you and to them to try and force them to be what you want them to be. As for how to get over it: you need closure. I don’t know when the last time was you broke up with your ex, but what you need to do now is accept that you are not going back, that things aren’t going to work and that you need to say good bye to him, not to his face but in your heart. Throw away the photos, the memorabilia, the letters… all of it. Have a little bonfire, throw it in the river – anything symbolic that will help you to see things as final. Then give yourself time. Time is the only thing that will really get you over someone. Get on with your life. Focus on the important things: your studies, your family, your friends. As for the new boyfriend: they say nothing gets you over the previous one like the next one, but this isn’t really fair to him. He obviously cares about you a lot, but you can’t stay with him for that reason. If you stay, it has to be because you believe you can be good for him, and he for you.

>>Other Links: >>
- http://vitalcoaching.com/dating/exes/i_am_angry_with_guys.htm
- http://www.soyouvebeendumped.com/theas10tips.html
HOROSCOPES OF THE DAY..

Much to the chagrin of others, you are not likely to be on your best social behavior now. You might be able to play the role of host or hostess, but this doesn't mean you'll be nice about it. If something is bugging you today, you're sure to let others know. Ease up just a little, for your intensity may be overwhelming.

A good chance to reach a goal is stifled by opportunities that get missed. Your obsession with paying attention to details has interfered with your ability to see the big picture and today you will need a larger scope.

An aggressive soulmate could sweep you up and rearrange the structure of your life. You might think twice before empowering this individual, as long-term security prospects are not favored.
- 3:23 pm
- Comments Off
I CAN'T REALLY BREATHE, SLEEP OR EAT UNTIL HE CALLS ME
UNTIL HE CALLS ME AND TELLS ME EVERYTHING'S ALL RIGHT!

+/- woke up from a dream that had matt in it. intimate detail (for more ask and i'll tell if i want) but then after that, in the dream, he told me he was seeing someone else.
- woke up crying because some of my dreams become reality.. especially lately. praying that one does not turn out to be blow into reality.
- just sit in bed from 5ish til 645am. just thinking about matt and what i had just dreamt about.
+ finally get out of bed at 645 and check emails and talk to benji
+ new track sounds totally hot tamale .. for real. i won't tell you what it is until he says it's cool to release it.
- one of the free clients, not benji, wants just a little more that he should be charged for and gets upset when i say no
- he asks me one more time and i threaten to delete his domain/site completely.. >deleted< .. asshole
+ check emails.. so much junk.. i am trying to think of a name for email telefuckers.. maybe eTelefuckers? hm.. let me know of suggestions
+ have oatmeal for breakfast.. while talking to some peeps online.. including my mother
- mom tells me about a dream that she had that i was screaming that someone had hurt me
- i haven't gotten to the point where i can tell her that i am gay and i don't know when i will be ready, but i did feel like someone is hurting me, but it's me that keeps holding on because something is telling me that he's worth it, i don't know. i am just stupid.
+ mom and i are interconnected.. i think she knows what i am doing when i am doing it .. and blah blah blah details details. it's scary sometime
+ felipe's xanga is my dj.. before meeting jordan and the gipper for the t-shirt/website meeting
- almost fell in the shower.. and i am here alone.. who would have rescued me?
+ meeting with jordan mostly about the website and t-shirt
- feel like grabbing and slapping someone so bad OoH Oh! How I want to!
+ decide to take my quiz after the meeting.. staying there longer than i intended i guess...
+ finally leave and go to get something to eat... mcdonald's perhaps..
- stop by the bookstore before going to mickey d's and uh.. my check's not there realllly
- guy collapses in the mcdonald's from dehydration and he's diabetic
+ work work work, what an amazing job i have
- christie's grandfather passed
+ chocolate chip cookies and loud screaming about 'I HATE THAT BITCH! WE ARE GETTING POLOS!'
- ruined jp's day.. so sorry.. i think i should have let her take her nap
+ got to call andrew for flooding in one of the rooms
- andrew is really mad.. i've never seen him so before..
- try to do the rha shirt.. just can't come up with any ideas..
- i am doing the website, t-shirt for the luau.. for free or as said '... take me to lunch.. '
+ don't mind doing it for jp
- feeling a little used when it comes to the graphic department.. 'can you do this and that's?' getting kind of worn out.. but i'll do what i can
+ call christie.. /hugs/
+ yay to felipe for talking to me and his support, sorry you were in a 'mal' mood
+ talked a online for a little bit to my fans.. hehe just kidding.. my friends and familia
+ talked to felipe before going to the movies, but really consider drink like two beers before going to the movies
+ talked to ada, as well, and contestant letter C (i am not sure if i got the letter right ) .. but anyway letter C is chosen man.
+ go to the movies with steve, steve and this one girl.. (who we now know as diane). wish that matt could have come along.
- waiting for steven and this one girl to show up, no worries.. it's like an itsy bitsy minus.. so don't freak
+ see uh.. i think her name is laura, i am so not sure right now.. at the movies, she didn't recognize me because of the hair
+ charlie and the chocolate factory, my rating: .5
- boo to me for falling asleep like twice in the middle of it.. it's been exhausting day geesh
- diane was so we say very fucken antisocial.. looked like she didn't want to be there her make up bothered me too.
+ see ashley at the end of the movie.. i thought i was having a celebrity moment.. indeed she makes me feel like one
+ sleepy car ride home, playing with steve's radio.. hehe
+ late night aim discussions are the best with the v-man, he is now a soldier.
+ awwh steve let's go of what's her face.. she got on my nerves and she didn't even say anything to me.. that's why she got on my nerves.. like she didn't want to be around us.. ugh! buh-byeee!
+ both steves are just way cool, absolutely!
+ send matt a late night text.. he probably won't answer it.. i am here.. take me now.. i am ready for love

thanks to the awesometonic people that have been visiting my page. especially thought that have shown there support on here as well as in life itself. the people that give random eProps.. that's totally freakin' awesome, i am cool with it. to christie.. my heart goes out to you girl.. i don't know how you stand so strong.
- 5:39 am
- Comments Off
RAGING OUT OF CONTROL AS THE FIRE OF YOUR LOVE BURNS ME FROM WITHIN

+ wake up call from the mother... got to get ready for the interview (645ish)
+ finally get up around 715ish
+/- first thing i thought of.. him. plain and simple
+ check emails, read random xangas and such
+ added club.mimi to more toplist and fanlistings, hoping to get 10,000 viewers by the end of the week
- had an arguement with an internet penpalish kind of fella, robbie.
- go into a depression kind of mood, start thinking about matt even more
+ got ready for the interview.. gave myself a facial (neutrogena facial peel, queen helene's facial mask..etc.)
+ went to the library to turn in one of demetra's books they are due on the 20th.. need to find the other one
- walked around outside of cvs pharmacy
+ called mom before that to get the number of another cvs so they could tell me the number to the store so i could talk to the manager
- call the cvs pharmacy and they are like 'we don't know that number, why are you calling for it?' 'there is no store in that location' >click<
+ wait for like 20 minutes before this nice contractor guy tells me the manager is inside
+ go inside and meet marc just before 930, so i am not late
+ they are still building the racks and stuff in the store so he's trying to tell people where everything goes and stuff
- wait an extra 30-45 minutes
+ quick interview, we go over the details of working shifts and the duties.. how much it's paying. 7.00 > 5.15
+ call the baker and tell her i can take her hours
- have to walk home because i only brought enough change to catch the bus with one ticket and because the manager took so long to hire me.. i mean interview me.. my ticket expired. no biggie really. i walked from southern to broadway. good exercise, but i wouldn't do it everyday.
+ call from the kamil to be sure someone is covering the desk sure thing buddy
+ talk to some more people..
+ work from 12-6
+ major props to mr. steve for bringing me lunch
+ working with ada, steve.. kamil came a little later
+ watch some funny crap on ytmnd [ link ] ; download the sound bites
+ went to wallie's world with ada and steve, in diva style status
- couldn't find ada's pictures so i was about to rip out the attitude diva
- the lady behind the counter had an attitude, so wanted to slap her, but it was so n o t worth the time
+ the find her pictures under a different name.. , put the attitude diva back in the bag
+/- was rude to this lady that had ill dyed hair.. it was worse than mine! but so thought she had a car near us... *phew* not too close
+/- silent moments = me thinking about matt.. i don't even know if he's thinking about me..
+ pete's and chips drive-thru or thrue (haha jp remember?)... 'they really do make it when you order!'
+ distracted by the very distinct walk of a young man
+ drop the goodies at the desk.
+ eat and watch beauty and the geek.. it's super awesome, i wish i could have watched it.. they are all so cute and smart, like matt
- the beauties were reallllllllllllllllllllllllly stooopid
+ steve leaves and i fall asleep on the couch
+ wake up and go down to the desk, was going to walk home but got conned into staying at the desk, i'm weak i must admit
+ talk to hanna and sarah through jp's aim
- emotions start getting all twisted as i get a ride from jp to my house..
- mind starts to think more when i am alone
+ start talking to steve, sarah, felipe and some other people..
+/- started to talk to matt, but it's hard .. trying not to bring up that i miss him, i want him. some say move on, but i think i willing to wait a little longer. i don't think he really wants to talk to me anyway. he gets off and then gets back on away.. makes me confuse. i have weird feelings. i think i'll wait, i wish he would just talk to me.
- cry myself to sleep...i don't like going to bed unhappy.
SPENDING TIME. ALONE.
(written by P.A. Jervis, Jr.)

You woke up my senses
Turn night into day
Brought sunshine, oh sunshine my way
Never thought I'd be able to get back on my feet again
Never thought I'd be able to feel the feeling...
That feeling that I feeling, again.

Now you say that you need some time
Something's telling you it can't be right
So you tell me.. we need to spend some time
Apart

So I'll be spending time, alone tonight
Trying to think of all the things which brought my happiness to light
Made my world shine so bright
Hoping that you come back to me
Hoping that you come back to me
Cos, I really don't like spending time, spending time
Alone

My world so gray, so dark
I was walking through the unknown
Then you took my hand and showed me the light
But you're saying that there's someone there, something there for them
In the back of your mind and we need to spend sometime
Apart

So I'll be spending time, alone tonight
Trying to think of all the things which brought my happiness to light
Made my world shine (oh) so bright
Hoping that you come back to me
Hoping that you come back to me
Cos, I (I) really don't like spending time, spending time
Alone

All these mixed emotions
All around, all around, all around
But you've serious changed my life
But now, you're saying we need to spend time
Spend time, spending.. time. apart.

So I'll be spending time, alone tonight
Trying to think of all the things which brought my happiness to light
Made my world shine (oh) so bright
Hoping that you come back to me
Hoping that you come back to me
Cos, I (I, I, I) really don't like spending, spending time, spending time
Alone

So I'll be praying tonight
Hoping that you think of all the things which brought both of happiness
That made our world shine so bright
Hoping that we can be together again
Hoping that we can be together again
Cos we need to be spending, spending time, spending time
Together
- 12:34 am
- Comments Off
APPLIED FOR SEVEN JOBS... ONE JOB INTERVIEW

I have applied to like millions jobs this morning and I got a call from CVS Pharmacy, this morning. I am scheduled to go into tomorrow at 930am. It's the one on Rural and Southern.
- 3:26 pm
- Comments Off

Patrick (lgbt@smartbrief.com) thought you might be interested in checking out Gay & Lesbian Leadership SmartBrief.

I find these very enlightening, thought I'd share.

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Headlines

Oregon civil unions bill gains support
While the vote for a civil unions bill in Oregon's Senate last week is not expected to be matched in the GOP-controlled House, LGBT groups say intensive lobbying could help. A new poll found support for a civil unions bill has risen to 49%; last November, 57% of voters approved the anti-gay Measure 36 that banned marriage for gays and lesbians. OregonLive.com/Associated Press (7/9)

New strategy for California marriage bill: Proponents of a bill legalizing marriage for gays and lesbians in California are taking a revised version to the state Senate after it failed in the Assembly by just four votes. Sen. Sheila Kuehl, D-Santa Monica, one of six openly gay members of the Legislature, said there is a "lot of acceptance of the bill in the Senate." If a bill passes there it will return to the Assembly for a final vote. SF Gate/Associated Press (7/11)

Issues & Legislation

First marriage for gays and lesbians in Spain
In stark contrast to a Franco regime that banned homosexuality in Catholic Spain just 30 years ago, the country's first same-sex civil ceremony took place Monday near Madrid. Emilio Menendez and Carlos Baturim, partners for 30 years, were finally married. Reuters (7/11)

Poll finds Spaniards less supportive of adoption: A new poll finds 62% of respondents are in favor of marriage for gays and lesbians, but only 44% favor adoption by them. The Globe and Mail (Toronto)/AFP (free registration) (7/11)

Gay Nigerian sentenced to death by stoning
A Nigerian man who admitted to a judge he had engaged in sex with a man has been sentenced to to death under Islamic Sharia law. A United Nations human rights official is working to publicize the man's case. ABCNEWS/Reuters (7/9)

Asian HIV prevention programs ignore gay men
Official disregard for gays and lesbians in Asian countries is undermining efforts to curb the spread of HIV, according to reports at the Seventh International Congress on AIDS in Asia and the Pacific. Some surveys indicate as many as 20% of gay and bisexual men in Thailand are infected with HIV, as are 14% in Cambodia and 8% in Vietnam, countries where HIV prevention programs are focused on heterosexuals and female sex workers. Advocate.com (7/2005)

UCC church vandalized after pro-gay vote
A United Church of Christ church in Middlebrook, Va., was hit with anti-gay graffiti just days after the denomination voted during its General Synod to support marriage for gays and lesbian. The vandals also tried to burn the church, but the fire did not spread. The Washington Times/United Press International (7/11)

Student groups protest over blood donor rules
The U.S. government ban on blood donations by gay men is unfair and discriminatory, according to student groups whose campus activism about the issue is spreading. Organizers say they'll now pressure the American Red Cross to change its position on the rules in the hope that the Food and Drug Administration would be influenced. Los Angeles Times (free registration) (7/10)

"Down low" author speaks up
Answering questions from an Indianapolis Star reporter, E. Lynn Harris, author of "Invisible Life," talks about what his book on secretly bisexual black men means to women, his views on gay marriage, his own struggles with depression and his next book on black churches, gays and AIDS. The Indianapolis Star (7/11)

Political Landscape

Fighting for marriage in New Jersey
A one-year-old domestic partnership law in New Jersey "doesn't provide half the amount of rights as married couples get," said Su Lael, who along with her partner is suing the state for full marriage rights. Lael and about 400 others gathered at a Town Hall meeting in Maplewood, N.J., to discuss pressing the state to extend full marriage rights to gays and lesbians. Rep. Barney Frank, D-Mass., spoke at the event, saying dire predictions about the consequences of marriage equality in Massachusetts have proven false. Newsday (Long Island, N.Y.)/Associated Press (7/10)




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Business & Enterprise

AFA hits Nike over support for civil unions
The American Family Association has urged its members to contact Oregon-based Nike to demand it withdraw its support of a bill that would establish civil unions for gays and lesbians in that state. "Many corporations are already donating large sums to homosexual organizations to support their agenda. Sending a message to Nike will send a message to those corporations poised to support homosexual unions," an AFA alert said. 365Gay.com (7/12)

SmartQuote



	They always predict chaos, and they're never right." -- Rep. Barney Frank, D-Mass., speaking about warnings from opponents of legalizing of marriage for gays and lesbians.



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