WHO AM I? WHAT MAKES ME DIFFERENT?
(written by P.A. Jervis, Jr.)

I can't believe that I am
Who I am

Who am I?
You ask...

Here there and everywhere
I swear that I could be a somebody that really believes he is a nobody

I am a friend that puts the lovers in front of his friends
I am the loser that loses the lovers and begs for his friends return

I swear I've never to meant to hurt anyone
But so far, I've become expert at it.. so seamless and natural

I've failed to see love right in front of my face
And live the romance that is far away but so near to me
Because of the past, when I am the one that tells people to let go of the past
For it strangles the heart and drains it of the love

I am the one that falls for the lovers that say they love me
Yet and still they don't love me at all, in the end it's me that falls

I am the one that hides in the corner to the back
Stands away from the crowd, observes the people and realizes that I am completely different than everyone else
Sometime I act like this doesn't bother me, then all of a sudden I break down

I am the friend that is late returning library books that a friend was so kind to check out for me
I am the loser that returns the book four weeks late and has no money to pay for the books lost adventures in my hands
As I found out what kind of misbehaviors the characters were up to

I am the online chatter that tries to meet new people
Online junkie, sometime feeling like an underpaided tech support person

I am the hidden nobody that somebody knows about
Yet that somebody is hiding from me or at least I just pretend not to see

I am the reader that reads the weirdest shit that no likes to read
I've picked up fresh books that are more than 10 years old the last few times I've been to library
I am the reader that wants to read War and Peace one day

I am the person that drinks alone, in an empty apartment
I have friends that come over to support and comfort me
Or just get drunk right along with me.. otherwise, I get drunk me. me. me.

I am the t-shirt screenprint designer that creates fabulous t-shirts for fabulous people to wear
I am the design, I make the changes, I do it even when people are in rages

I am the t-shirt screenprint designer that is still waiting for his bag that he designed
Everytime I ask for one, I get fed excuses when I didn't ask for any.. I am full.
Just like everyone that gives me the excuses is full of shit

I am alone, lot of the time, most of the time because sometime I like to be
But when the lonely time is over there is most no one here to rescue me to take me away
Except for the online creepers, guys that live with their parents at 39, and heart breakers

I am the road trip DJ that loves to travel with friends and family
I love to keep the entertainment rolling and love taking requests unless the rest of the car doesn't want to hear it
Be careful though, you might get out numbered and listen to something that you won't want to listen to

I am a former marketing major that has been kicked out of the business school
I am the loser student that is trying to redeem myself after receiving a letter from the business school with rejection and being told that I couldn't do one of the best positions on camps because I failed to keep my head in a book and learn just a little more

I am the loser that dates losers and seems to have some kind of attraction to losers
I keep on dating them and they keep on dumping me.. I give too much of my heart
They take it way and they run with it.

I am the man that used to scream on roll-a-coasters and close my eyes
I am now the man that gives everything he has to smile when it comes to camera time on the coaster
I am the man that keeps his eyes open during the three minutes of the coaster. I have over come my fear

Who am I?
I am still trying to put it together

I am the person that everyone thinks is a joke, a laugh
I fear that some people don't take me serious sometime
I feel that people sometime take me too serious or just don't care how I am feeling

I am that stranger that walks by you in the store and starts a random conversation with you
Standing next to cereal and telling you about my weekend or how I've been working all day
I am sure that you don't care but it feels better just to share and get it off my chest

I am the poet that goes to open mic night
Screaming, yelling, whispering, dancing and expressing emotion
On this one night I give everything I have to let the world into my world

I am the person that loves to celebrate and have fun
Singing, dancing and loving every moment while I am in the fun
Then remembering the good times afterward

I am the skater that sprang his middle finger
Who has not gotten back on one, but is trying it out since he bought a cheap one at Target

I am the apartment renter that pays half rent for a two bedroom apartment
Who hardly sees his roommate, but his roommate still pays half

I am the shopper, that hardly turns down the opportunity to go shopping
With nice clothes, nice things and such harsh and ugly credit card bills and overdrawn bank accounts

I am the single black male that sometime doesn't like to listen to rap
And doesn't like being stereotyped or being called out of name

I am the gay guy that has never had a relationship past one month and two weeks
I've never role played and I enjoy sex without the toys
I love to giggle and flirt with all the cute boys

I am the gay guy that ignores the stalkers and often get caught up in forgetting people
I forget everyone and block everyone from my mind

I am the shelter kid from California, that is still learning how to live life
How to pay bills and survive on my own with out the parental umbrella
But I tell you it rains hard sometime, I can't even lie.. when it rains it pours, for months sometime

I am the kid that decided to leave California to come to Arizona
Arizona is the place where I find freedom and I can be myself
Despite all the people laughing and pointing at me, like they do everywhere else, I am feeling a lot happier here

I am the Californian that lives in Arizona that misses my friends in San Bernardino, Rialto, and other spotted areas
I am the Californian doesn't miss the dirty air and difficulties to breathe, but missing the late night clubbing

I am the young boy that is steadily growing into a young man
That misses his family back in California.. only seeing them on weekends, every other month
In the back of his mind is the cousin that is Iraq, that no has heard from in months
My heart is turning purple while you are out there trying to get one

I am the runner that runs long distance, training twice a day
Most people think that's crazy, I think it's just fine

I am the Mariah Carey fan that is proud of her recent achievements
Proudly singing a whole CD at least once a day and wishing that I could be successful singer
Trying to catch every note, sometime going back when I miss the note until I get the note right to sing along with her

I am the text messager that goes over his limits when really interested in getting to knowing someone without talking to them
On the phone because sometime you just don't feel like hearing their voice on the other end, but mostly it's fun and stimulating to do text messages.

BLACK AND WHITE LOVE
(written P.A. Jervis, Jr.)

I share my love, I share my heart
I give it all.. I fall apart
You said that you were going to be my everything

I now see that nothing last forever
I see now that you were just a liar
You said that you were going to fulfill my every need

I have very few desires and wants
I have the heart bigger than anyone's ever known
You took advantage of it and crush my hope, desire

I cried tears once in your name
I cried tears twice in your name
You never called to make sure that I am okay

I know that I could never love you anyway
I know that I deserve something so much better than you've ever been to me
You can go ahead and keep living life miserably

I will keep on keeping on
I will find true love or will true love find me
You are the one that's going to be lonely and in need

I am moving on
I am moving on, strong at that
You are weak and I am strong, for this my last goodbye and you must be gone

THANKS FOR WASTING MY TIME AND BURNING UP THE LOVE IN MY HEART

I can't believe that I spent the time and effort to try to give out my heart. For those that don't know what happened, Matt broke up with me over a cell phone text message. Sending messages like he can't get back with me and stuff like that. It was just really ridiculous... it made me really sad but I can't let it ruin my faboulous superstar weekend. Even though I haven't really been feeling like a celebrity this weekend. I am trying.. I am really trying. So yeah Matt has called me an asshole as he has expressed on his blog [ link ]. If you want to leave any comments I won't mind. Even angry one's I'll permit.

Well we have been to Hurricane Harbor and Six Flags.. and now it's late night in the hotel. We are having sommmme fun so yeah. I don't know how well I am going to be at delivery detail but I don't know if I will be able to do it later. I don't feel like doing it right now.  Just feeling a case of lonelies for real, I don't think anyone really knows though.. I just can't believe that I keep walking into traps like that. It  drives me crazy for real. For now, I am just sitting back waiting for love.. even though I can't stand being lonely. But fuck I am full of shit, I don't know how long I can stand the lonely.. So I am just going to try to just to relax and enjoy the rest of the vacation. EEEEYah.. well good night.. presents for some.

CELEBRATION: 10000 VISITORS AT CLUB.MIMI

We at Club.Mimi are excited to inform all clubbers, new and continuing visitors to Club.Mimi, that we've reached 10000 visitors and are celebrating. We would like to thank those that invite people to come visit, the people that come to visit and are always welcoming the visitors to the club. Would also like to thank Mariah Carey for being the main inspiration of the site. Without her, of course, this wouldn't be possible. Also in thanking, we'd like to thank Mariah Daily, MCArchives.com, MariahMadness.net and so many of our affiliates. Thanks and we appreciate the support that you have shown us.

In celebration of the 10000 visit to the Club, we promise to continue to deliever the news, media and so much more that is provided at here on a regular basis.

Look for some features that maybe unlocked due to the celebration of the 10000th visit. Please do email us: clubmimi@patrickjervis.com, to let us know what you think needs improvement and what to add to the site to make your clubbing experience just a little bit better. Thanks once again.

CONGRATS TO BENJI!

Following the recent auditions for South Coast Idol, Benji Hayes has made it through to the final 20 of the Portsmouth heats.

The
up and coming weeks will be a flurry of promotion, interviews and
preperation until September 10th 2005 sees Benji take the stage in Portsmouth Pyramids Centre and go up against 19 other talented singers with a hope of going through to the Finals in November.

More
details of how to vote, support and listen to the new tracks recorded
will be available VERY soon so keep popping by and in the mean time why
not take the time to leave some words of encouragement for Benji in his
guestbook.

PLEASE HELP ME OVER.. (COPIED FROM STUDENT VILLAGE)

Alicia, please help me. Four years ago I met a guy and we started dating. He is the first guy I have ever loved and the only one I have ever said those words to. Everything was going well between us until a mutual acquaintance (I have known the acquaintance for longer) told him something that was untrue about me. He then dumped me without telling me, I had to figure it out for myself. Alicia I was very hurt by the lack of respect he showed, after all the "I love you's" he didn't even have the decency to call and tell me it's over. I spent about three months seeing his face whenever I looked at a guy. About two months later I used to get missed call from numbers I didn't know and therefore I never called the numbers and I later discovered it was him using his friends' phones because he was scared of calling me. During that year I tried getting over him to no avail, I even tried dating other guys hoping to forget him but obviously it never worked. Anyway to make a long story short we have since made up and broken up four times. He keeps dumping me but the last time I did the dumping (I wanted to beat him to the punch) and regretted it the following day. At first I thought I couldn't get over him because of the way he dumped me the first time (i.e. no closure), and then my friends said maybe it's because we never made love but I'm still in love with the dude. Some days I feel if he came back I will be strong enough to say no other days I want him so much. I have a new boyfriend and he is a dream but unfortunately I wish he was my ex. He knows how I feel and he told me he is willing to wait for me to get over my ex what he doesn't know is that it's been four years of pining. Alicia please advise me on how to get over my ex and give my all to this incredible guy. I have tried the staying single trick, the having someone else take his place trick-please help me I'm at my wits end. I don't want to go back to my ex even if he comes back because I feel if it hasn't worked four times it never will.

Well, you are right: if it hasn’t worked yet the chances are good it never will. My personal philosophy is: Never go back. Whatever made it impossible for you to stay together in the first place will always be there. You can’t expect to change a person; they will always be the way they are. If you can’t live with them as they are, it’s unfair to you and to them to try and force them to be what you want them to be. As for how to get over it: you need closure. I don’t know when the last time was you broke up with your ex, but what you need to do now is accept that you are not going back, that things aren’t going to work and that you need to say good bye to him, not to his face but in your heart. Throw away the photos, the memorabilia, the letters… all of it. Have a little bonfire, throw it in the river – anything symbolic that will help you to see things as final. Then give yourself time. Time is the only thing that will really get you over someone. Get on with your life. Focus on the important things: your studies, your family, your friends. As for the new boyfriend: they say nothing gets you over the previous one like the next one, but this isn’t really fair to him. He obviously cares about you a lot, but you can’t stay with him for that reason. If you stay, it has to be because you believe you can be good for him, and he for you.

>>Other Links: >>

• http://vitalcoaching.com/dating/exes/i_am_angry_with_guys.htm


• http://www.soyouvebeendumped.com/theas10tips.html

HOROSCOPES OF THE DAY..

Much to the chagrin of others, you are not likely to be on your best social behavior now. You might be able to play the role of host or hostess, but this doesn't mean you'll be nice about it. If something is bugging you today, you're sure to let others know. Ease up just a little, for your intensity may be overwhelming.

A good chance to reach a goal is stifled by opportunities that get missed. Your obsession with paying attention to details has interfered with your ability to see the big picture and today you will need a larger scope.

An aggressive soulmate could sweep you up and rearrange the structure of your life. You might think twice before empowering this individual, as long-term security prospects are not favored.

I CAN'T REALLY BREATHE, SLEEP OR EAT UNTIL HE CALLS ME
UNTIL HE CALLS ME AND TELLS ME EVERYTHING'S ALL RIGHT!

+/- woke up from a dream that had matt in it. intimate detail (for more ask and i'll tell if i want) but then after that, in the dream, he told me he was seeing someone else.
- woke up crying because some of my dreams become reality.. especially lately. praying that one does not turn out to be blow into reality.
- just sit in bed from 5ish til 645am. just thinking about matt and what i had just dreamt about.
+ finally get out of bed at 645 and check emails and talk to benji
+ new track sounds totally hot tamale .. for real. i won't tell you what it is until he says it's cool to release it.
- one of the free clients, not benji, wants just a little more that he should be charged for and gets upset when i say no
- he asks me one more time and i threaten to delete his domain/site completely.. >deleted< .. asshole
+ check emails.. so much junk.. i am trying to think of a name for email telefuckers.. maybe eTelefuckers? hm.. let me know of suggestions
+ have oatmeal for breakfast.. while talking to some peeps online.. including my mother
- mom tells me about a dream that she had that i was screaming that someone had hurt me
- i haven't gotten to the point where i can tell her that i am gay and i don't know when i will be ready, but i did feel like someone is hurting me, but it's me that keeps holding on because something is telling me that he's worth it, i don't know. i am just stupid.
+ mom and i are interconnected.. i think she knows what i am doing when i am doing it .. and blah blah blah details details. it's scary sometime
+ felipe's xanga is my dj.. before meeting jordan and the gipper for the t-shirt/website meeting
- almost fell in the shower.. and i am here alone.. who would have rescued me?
+ meeting with jordan mostly about the website and t-shirt
- feel like grabbing and slapping someone so bad OoH Oh! How I want to!
+ decide to take my quiz after the meeting.. staying there longer than i intended i guess...
+ finally leave and go to get something to eat... mcdonald's perhaps..
- stop by the bookstore before going to mickey d's  and uh.. my check's not there realllly
- guy collapses in the mcdonald's from dehydration and he's diabetic
+ work work work, what an amazing job i have
- christie's grandfather passed
+ chocolate chip cookies and loud screaming about 'I HATE THAT BITCH! WE ARE GETTING POLOS!'
- ruined jp's day.. so sorry.. i think i should have let her take her nap
+ got to call andrew for flooding in one of the rooms
- andrew is really mad.. i've never seen him so  before..
- try to do the rha shirt.. just can't come up with any ideas..
- i am doing the website, t-shirt for the luau.. for free or as said '... take me to lunch.. '
+ don't mind doing it for jp
- feeling a little used when it comes to the graphic department.. 'can you do this and that's?' getting kind of worn out.. but i'll do what i can
+ call christie.. /hugs/
+ yay to felipe for talking to me and his support, sorry you were in a 'mal' mood
+ talked a online for a little bit to my fans.. hehe just kidding.. my friends and familia
+ talked to felipe before going to the movies, but really consider drink like two beers before going to the movies
+ talked to ada, as well, and contestant letter C (i am not sure if i got the letter right ) .. but anyway letter C is chosen man.
+ go to the movies with steve, steve and this one girl.. (who we now know as diane). wish that matt could have come along.
- waiting for steven and this one girl to show up, no worries.. it's like an itsy bitsy minus.. so don't freak
+ see uh.. i think her name is laura, i am so not sure right now.. at the movies, she didn't recognize me because of the hair
+ charlie and the chocolate factory, my rating: .5
- boo to me for falling asleep like twice in the middle of it.. it's been exhausting day geesh
- diane was so we say very fucken antisocial.. looked like she didn't want to be there her make up bothered me too.
+ see ashley at the end of the movie.. i thought i was having a celebrity moment.. indeed she makes me feel like one
+ sleepy car ride home, playing with steve's radio.. hehe
+ late night aim discussions are the best with the v-man, he is now a soldier.
+ awwh steve let's go of what's her face.. she got on my nerves and she didn't even say anything to me.. that's why she got on my nerves.. like she didn't want to be around us.. ugh! buh-byeee!
+ both steves are just way cool, absolutely!
+ send matt a late night text.. he probably won't answer it.. i am here.. take me now.. i am ready for love

thanks to the awesometonic people that have been visiting my page. especially thought that have shown there support on here as well as in life itself. the people that give random eProps.. that's totally freakin' awesome, i am cool with it. to christie.. my heart goes out to you girl.. i don't know how you stand so strong.

RAGING OUT OF CONTROL AS THE FIRE OF YOUR LOVE BURNS ME FROM WITHIN

+ wake up call from the mother... got to get ready for the interview (645ish)
+ finally get up around 715ish
+/- first thing i thought of.. him. plain and simple
+ check emails, read random xangas and such
+ added club.mimi to more toplist and fanlistings, hoping to get 10,000 viewers by the end of the week
- had an arguement with an internet penpalish kind of fella, robbie.
- go into a depression kind of mood, start thinking about matt even more
+ got ready for the interview.. gave myself a facial (neutrogena facial peel, queen helene's facial mask..etc.)
+ went to the library to turn in one of demetra's books they are due on the 20th.. need to find the other one
- walked around outside of cvs pharmacy
+ called mom before that to get the number of another cvs so they could tell me the number to the store so i could talk to the manager
- call the cvs pharmacy and they are like 'we don't know that number, why are you calling for it?' 'there is no store in that location' >click<
+ wait for like 20 minutes before this nice contractor guy tells me the manager is inside
+ go inside and meet marc just before 930, so i am not late
+ they are still building the racks and stuff in the store so he's trying to tell people where everything goes and stuff
- wait an extra 30-45 minutes
+ quick interview, we go over the details of working shifts and the duties.. how much it's paying. 7.00 > 5.15
+ call the baker and tell her i can take her hours
- have to walk home because i only brought enough change to catch the bus with one ticket and because the manager took so long to hire me.. i mean interview me.. my ticket expired. no biggie really. i walked from southern to broadway. good exercise, but i wouldn't do it everyday.
+ call from the kamil to be sure someone is covering the desk sure thing buddy
+ talk to some more people..
+ work from 12-6
+ major props to mr. steve for bringing me lunch
+ working with ada, steve.. kamil came a little later
+ watch some funny crap on ytmnd [ link ] ; download the sound bites
+ went to wallie's world with ada and steve, in diva style status
- couldn't find ada's pictures so i was about to rip out the attitude diva
- the lady behind the counter had an attitude, so wanted to slap her, but it was so  n   o   t  worth the time
+ the find her pictures under a different name.. , put the attitude diva back in the bag
+/- was rude to this lady that had ill dyed hair.. it was worse than mine! but so thought she had a car near us... *phew* not too close
+/- silent moments = me thinking about matt.. i don't even know if he's thinking about me..
+ pete's and chips drive-thru or thrue (haha jp remember?)... 'they really do make it when you order!'
+ distracted by the very distinct walk of a young man
+ drop the goodies at the desk.
+ eat and watch beauty and the geek.. it's super awesome, i wish i could have watched it.. they are all so cute and smart, like matt
- the beauties were reallllllllllllllllllllllllly stooopid
+ steve leaves and i fall asleep on the couch
+ wake up and go down to the desk, was going to walk home but got conned into staying at the desk, i'm weak i must admit
+ talk to hanna and sarah through jp's aim
- emotions start getting all twisted as i get a ride from jp to my house..
- mind starts to think more when i am alone
+ start talking to steve, sarah, felipe and some other people..
+/- started to talk to matt, but it's hard .. trying not to bring up that i miss him, i want him. some say move on, but i think i willing to wait a little longer. i don't think he really wants to talk to me anyway. he gets off and then gets back on away.. makes me confuse. i have weird feelings. i think i'll wait, i wish he would just talk to me.
- cry myself to sleep...i don't like going to bed unhappy.

SPENDING TIME. ALONE.
(written by P.A. Jervis, Jr.)

You woke up my senses
Turn night into day
Brought sunshine, oh sunshine my way
Never thought I'd be able to get back on my feet again
Never thought I'd be able to feel the feeling...
That feeling that I feeling, again.

Now you say that you need some time
Something's telling you it can't be right
So you tell me.. we need to spend some time
Apart

So I'll be spending time, alone tonight
Trying to think of all the things which brought my happiness to light
Made my world shine so bright
Hoping that you come back to me
Hoping that you come back to me
Cos, I really don't like spending time, spending time
Alone

My world so gray, so dark
I was walking through the unknown
Then you took my hand and showed me the light
But you're saying that there's someone there, something there for them
In the back of your mind and we need to spend sometime
Apart

So I'll be spending time, alone tonight
Trying to think of all the things which brought my happiness to light
Made my world shine (oh) so bright
Hoping that you come back to me
Hoping that you come back to me
Cos, I (I) really don't like spending time, spending time
Alone

All these mixed emotions
All around, all around, all around
But you've serious changed my life
But now, you're saying we need to spend time
Spend time, spending.. time. apart.

So I'll be spending time, alone tonight
Trying to think of all the things which brought my happiness to light
Made my world shine (oh) so bright
Hoping that you come back to me
Hoping that you come back to me
Cos, I (I, I, I) really don't like spending, spending time, spending time
Alone

So I'll be praying tonight
Hoping that you think of all the things which brought both of happiness
That made our world shine so bright
Hoping that we can be together again
Hoping that we can be together again
Cos we need to be spending, spending time, spending time
Together